What’s it Like to Lose in Family Court to a Narcissist?
Imagine being in my shoes and losing custody of your child to your narcissistic sociopathic ex. No, don’t do that because it’s pure hell on Earth.
My Survival Story
This is my survival story of the family court system against a wealthy narcissist. He was (still is) an angry, resentful, bitter, revengeful, toxic, verbally abusive, ex who will stop at nothing to hurt me because I wounded his broken ego by leaving him. In my custody case, it was appalling that the judge sided with him (granting him sole legal rights and 50% physical custody) because he often declined additional time with our daughter and refused to follow court orders for various reasons and lame excuses. His over-inflated sense of entitlement saw very few boundaries that applied to him.
Essentially, I was sabotaged! That’s what happened to me for over a decade. I was undermined as a parent by the narcissist and made out to look crazy. I was falsely accused of so many things. Sadly, mothers like me are still losing custody and rights to their own children to controlling, arrogant, angry men. Basically, I was out-lawyered.
After ending my relationship with my child’s father, I found myself attempting the impossible; co-parenting with a narcissistic ex. I was a loving, caring, concerned mother, but I was: constantly criticized, attacked, blamed, discredited, smeared, and devastated by my ex. While in my care, our child was thriving and I worked overtime to protect her from the narcissist’s subtle abuse and neglect.
The Narcissist Wouldn’t Stop
When the narcissist failed to control me, he instead sought to use legal means and the court system to take sole possession of our child. This was his way to punish me. I say that because he showed very little real interest in our child for the first eight years of her life, failing to cover her health insurance or show up to her head start graduation ceremony and other important events. He did the bare minimum. Instead of being a participatory parent, he threw every narcissistic trick in the book at me, trying to destroy me beyond what every professional involved had ever seen. In a cruel twist, he projected all his awful behavior onto me, ultimately winning full custody of our child. From that defeat, I had to shift gears into survival mode. Family court was his biggest abuse tactic ever. I have lived to tell this awful tale. (Read about how Family Court fails us.)
I Wouldn’t Stop Either!
However, I would not give up on my child! Through many hours of reflection, mediation, and therapy, I laid out my priorities. I would do my best to stay healthy and sane (in the midst of insanity), validate my reality, and use protection agencies to the fullest extent. To repair my life, I identified seven guiding principles that I call “Self-Rules.” I told myself that I had to live for her, even after losing all my rights to her.
Immediately, I decided to write my story down to warn other mothers battling it out in family court with a toxic ex. My first book is designed as a survival guide for overcoming the seemingly impossible parenting dilemma. I share my powerful insights and first-hand experiences with my readers. My hope is that just one struggling mother will find validation and encouragement on their journey to become the best person and parent that they can be.
How Did I Turn My Case Around?
“This wasn’t a case of me being a bad mom, this was a case of me being out-lawyered.”
-A journal entry
#1. Journal! I inventoried what my main reasons for losing were and looked directly at my weaknesses. #2. Heal! I did some healing programs and groups and was then able to find the strength to stand up to him while simultaneously appeasing him to see my daughter more. I was able to win some important protections in court by saying “No” to his proposed unfair agreements. I was brave and opted for a lengthy unbalanced trial knowing that I didn’t have the legal power he did. However, a court order helped me hold him more accountable. (And so did a better attorney!) Today, my child is thriving and I have survived ten years of financial and legal abuse. What matters most to me is that today, she is happy, healthy, and well supported. Even more so, so am I!
How Can I Help?
My mission is to help suffering mothers and children stay safe from any type of toxic alcoholic, narcissistic, sociopathic ex by using common sense, logic, knowledge, and support. My role is to be an emotional support person through life-coaching sessions for the many devastated mothers by sharing my heartbreaking, yet inspiring and hopeful true story. I believe that one stable and sane parent can make a world of difference to a child, even if they don’t see them that often.
What happened to me was a complete injustice, but I am not the only one. I have since learned that other mothers have had the same, if not worse done to them. This scenario (abuse by proxy) has been a real problem in family courts. What’s worse is that that money and unethical legal practices are winning cases. So, defendants and mothers beware!
What Can You Do?
You can safe-gaurd agasinst things. You can implement protective measures. You can be two steps ahead of the monster. I was able to endure, persevere, and be resilient. My child benefits from the strength I found, the support I received, and the education I attained for myself. I encourage all mothers in these terrible situations to start a self-study course of their own to learn what they are up against and learn what tips, tools, and strategies to use to prevent bad outcomes. The internet is full of stories, free info, and video training on this subject. All this information can come in handy as a narcissist changes tactics or escalates bad behavior. Take advantage of all my books and free PDF downloads. Be as prepared as you can be!
—Grace W. Wroldson, mother, survivor, thriver, certified life coach and author of 5 self-help books available on Amazon
Post to our private community what you learned from this post on Facebook. We would love to hear from you!
Join my private Facebook Group!
Book a private coaching session with the author? Click Here.
Books available on Amazon and Audible!
Stay in touch! Get my FREE tips, tools, and tricks—plus valuable survivor wisdom!