What To Do About a GAL?

Dealing with the Guardian Ad Litem & The Narcissist

10 Mistakes I Made

&

10 Things That I Did Well

By the author of How To Survive a Custody Battle with a Narcissist: 

When the Family Courts Force You to Co-Parent

Are you in a high-conflict battle with a narcissist? Is your ex unwilling to settle, mediate or negotiate? Typical! Then, you know the frustration of how a custody case can drag on. At some point, you or your lawyer might think getting another professional on the case is a good idea. Or perhaps, a judge might order a GAL (guardian ad litem) to investigate the child’s life (and both households) more in-depth and write a report to the courts—that a judge can use to make decisions on who should have legal and physical custody of the child/children. However, think again! The truth is that there are various experiences ranging from not-helpful (actually harmful), to very good (sometimes custody-case-saving). For some protective parents, having a GAL was beyond horrible and damaging. *Please read my disclaimer below.

Disclaimer: These are helpful tips based solely on the author’s thoughts and opinions. The author is not a qualified mental health professional or a crisis caseworker. Therefore, she cannot give legal advice or appropriate counsel and is not liable for any injury or harm. Please follow your doctor’s, therapist’s, counselor’s, and lawyer’s advice and common sense based on your unique case to see if these tips could be helpful. Child custody situations may vary, and some of these will not apply to your circumstances. Furthermore, court orders may dictate otherwise. Please use your own good judgment when reviewing this document. This is for personal Self-Help only. These were created from the author’s own lived experience and not based on any laws or rules of the courts. This is copyright-protected by the author and is not to be sold, distributed, or quoted without the author’s written consent.

What is a GAL? 

A guardian ad litem (GAL) is a professional appointed by a court (or requested and selected by attorneys) to look after and protect the interests of a minor child who cannot care for themselves and/or is legally incompetent due to their age. Their job is to investigate a child’s life and report findings. This means they interview parents, caregivers, and others in the child’s life. Often, they will interview the child as well. They may request medical records and other information. In their report and testimony in a trial, they usually make recommendations to the court. The investigation, report, and recommendations are supposed to be based on “the best interests of the child.” Sounds good, right? Maybe, maybe not! Please keep reading.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE/KNOW: Remember that the attorney-for-the-child (GAL) is not YOUR attorney. Whatever you share with them is NOT confidential. What you share could go for or against you depending on their position. It may end up as a direct quote in a report the judge reads or a rephrased interpretation of your mentality and parenting. Watch my FREE legal webinar to learn more directly from a lawyer who knows the U.S. Family Court System. (LINK–>Custody Battles With Narcissists… The Need For a Lawyer!)

Requesting a GAL can be tricky and complicated. Be sure to consider these critical factors:

• Will the GAL be a therapist or a lawyer? (Each state may vary.)
• Will the GAL be picked by your ex’s attorney, the judge, or you? (Do you get a choice?)
• Is the GAL a father’s rights activist? 
• Has the GAL frequently worked for your ex’s attorney?
• Who pays for the GAL? Approximately how much will it cost?
• Does your judge typically rule the exact way the GAL recommends?

A Bad Experience with a GAL

Unfortunately, I had an awful experience with a GAL in my state and my case. Note that each state and circumstance will differ, so be sure to find other perspectives. (Some anonymous mom-members’ posts are below showing that it all depends on the situation.) In my case, our GAL was paid off by my narcissistic ex to write a total of three reports against me for what I estimate to be around twelve thousand dollars. She even took the stand in our trial to back up her reports. In hindsight, I can see that she went on a paid “witch hunt” when she was hired and tried to figuratively “hang me.” However, this isn’t every mom’s experience. It’s important to remember that some GALs do an excellent job. Work with your lawyer to know how to handle your assigned GAL. Ask!

What matters is that we moms don’t come across as micromanaging or crazy. Narcissists like to go ahead and grab attention from a new person who doesn’t know the back story, then point the finger and blame us, which “poisons the well.” When they talk to the GAL, narcissists can put on a good show and make a terrific, false, first impression, saying the right things and absurdly accusing us of what they are doing. Some narcissists use their well-practiced pity tactic to get sympathy from the GAL. They emphasize how they are unfairly treated and “just want to see their child, but mom is always in the way,” and that they dearly want a normal, healthy relationship. Ha! We know that couldn’t be farther from the truth when we have years of the narcissist’s no-shows to children’s events, non-payment of things like child support or activities, and unhealthy behavior when they aren’t being watched and putting on a show. Remember how charming and convincing a narcissist was with us? Hoodwinking is their incredible skill, and they are master manipulators. Be warned because protective parents saying/reporting/telling/disclosing that our ex drinks too much or drinks and drives could get twisted into “my ex is so crazy that she blows up over me just having one beer on a weekend.” See how they downplay and “explain away” a problem and paint us in a negative light simultaneously? Clever, tricky, and worrisome.

Initially, I had a bad feeling about agreeing to this GAL, even though it was another helpful delay tactic/legal strategy that my second lawyer wanted to use. (Read my blog: Legal Strategies I Used in Family Court In A Custody Battle With A Narcissist.) When I stood in court hearing my case progress and voiced my concern about how the GAL was chosen “over lunch with my ex’s attorney” and his attorney’s claim that “she had time to do our case,” my lawyer said her credentials were on the line so she couldn’t be unprofessional in handling this case. He assumed wrong! What I didn’t realize was that I could request time, search for available GALs as other possible options, and do my due diligence checking on her reviews and ratings. Afterward, with the damage already done on my custody case, I wanted to save other mothers like me from this nightmare. After her horrifically biased and unprofessional reporting on my case, I wrote to report her to our state BAR, however, they refused to investigate her practice saying it was “a Family Court matter” and not a BAR Association matter. 

Due to the GAL in my case, I lost all legal rights to my child, he was granted 50% parenting, and the supervised transfers were removed. I, then, didn’t appeal in time and needed to wait several years and employ skillful means to see my child more and get my rights restored, one by one. 

10 Mistakes I Made When It Came To The GAL

1. I assumed the GAL would be ethical, professional, unbiased, and be child-focused.
2. I assumed she would talk to me the same amount of time she talked to my ex.
3. I assumed she would stay neutral even though she was picked by my ex and paid entirely by him. 
4. I assumed she could figure out how toxic and absent he was as a father.
5. I assumed she would talk to our child’s therapist whom we have had for years and “get it.”
6. I assumed that she would put what the child’s therapist said in her final report.
7. I relied on my young child to tell this stranger GAL how bad she had it with her dad.
8. I relied on my young child to tell the truth and expose her dad.
9. I thought that I shouldn’t call or email her privately to address my concerns.
10. I thought she would see the medical care, Early Intervention, and therapy I installed as positive and that I am doing a good job as a mom, not that I am crazy like my ex says.

As you can see my assumptions that my ex (who was paying thousands to our GAL) would be exposed in her “in-depth investigation” were incorrect. It wasn’t until I read the report that I discovered my ex had called her multiple times, and the two had several private phone calls—which I didn’t have and was not informed about. It was also a bad move to rely on my child to tell a stranger, whom she met only three times, all the details of child abuse and neglect. I assumed too much. I expected too much. I relied too much on the goodness and professionalism of another when I had no idea if she was good, professional, or ethical at all. On the stand, she wouldn’t give an exact number of how many times she has been hired (like a hit-woman, may I add) by my ex’s attorney to write reports for my ex’s attorney’s clients. I wish I had done my own research and due diligence! I could have at least asked for time to consider options, instead of being overly agreeable in court in a desperate attempt to look reasonable to the judge. I was so afraid of being seen as difficult which then became a fear of requesting my rights. This went against me.

My goal is to leave you with some helpful, inside information on GALs. I think the overwhelming majority of moms dealing with narcissists and sociopaths find the GAL tends to side with the fake, phony, dad—because, after all, he is doing serious impression-management. But it depends on each case and each GAL. Be sure to ask: Will the GAL be a lawyer or therapist? Who pays? Who picks? In my case, my ex’s attorney picked ours which was an absolute mistake. I didn’t think corruption or client-funneling happened in the USA in the 21st century, but it does. After the fact, I reported her unethical behavior—that not only was she biased and being funneled clients, but that she also incorrectly copied and pasted my ex’s health info into my section and wrote reports she wasn’t commissioned to write for the judge—but it went nowhere. It was an exhausting dead end. It was so infuriating and unjust that our child’s therapist was appalled for years at our GAL’s reports and the outcome of our custody trial.

There are many things to carefully consider. (Remember: not all GAL reports go as badly as my case.) If I could do it all over again, I would be prepared for the narcissist tactics and get really skilled in speaking about the best interests of the child rather than bad-mouthing the ex—although there has to be a balance between emotion and reporting facts and concerns with evidence behind them. I was deemed overly emotional, and of course, I would be emotional that my ex hired the most expensive attorney to seek full custody by falsely accusing me. Not only did I endure his Co-Parenting Abuse, our child also suffered abuse (also) which really upset me. 

In his narcissistically entitled way, my ex wanted to flip the tables and have full custody to get off of paying child support and order me to have supervised visitation because he had YMCA-supervised child transfers. Guess what? It’s no surprise now that that’s just what our GAL ordered! Thankfully, the judge didn’t go with the GAL’s reports because our child’s therapist was also a GAL and took the stand to testify on my behalf and against the GAL whom my ex hired. Getting our child’s therapist in place was me thinking a few steps ahead of the narcissist, which is what I recommend as a solid strategy for moms who come to me for coaching. We also have to manage our stress because investigations are stressful. Some of us have had Child Protective Services (CPS Investigations) to deal with simultaneously. I even brought my lawyer to the second GAL interrogation/interview of me for her second report because the first one was so incredibly biased, but my efforts for protection didn’t stop her from recommending Dad for sole legal and sole physical custody. I didn’t stand a chance, and I wish I had my lawyer request a different GAL due to her first report’s inaccuracy and blatantly false information. Unfortunately, I didn’t know if this was my right and I didn’t have a competent family law attorney.

Here is what a few moms posted anonymously on my private Facebook group:

“I got a GAL appointed thinking it would help my custody battle with son to be narc ex….. He has her personal number!?!? He calls her constantly and has her believing the lies he tells himself about what a horrible mom I am. Narcs are very charismatic…. He plays the victim well and honestly, my anger at the abuse to me and to my daughter has got in the way of how I present. I have watched as he has laid hands on our daughter over and over… then denied it…..my lawyer suggested firing her but I was also told that it could make me look bad. Idk how to prove he’s calling and doing those things. She’s supposed to be there for the child with an unbiased opinion—not creating a relationship with one parent!”

“If I could do it all over again, I would settle, and get away from GAL because they can be paid off by the opposing party to take all your rights away, and they will for money.”

NOTE: If you already have suffered a biased GAL, you are not alone. Take heart. I endured this. I experienced “Family Court Failures” which is why I wrote all my wisdom down in my books (available at Amazon). You can read to hear how I overcame loss, grief, and learned valuable lessons. My books are full of survivor tips, tools, and strategies. 

HELPFUL BOOKS: 

I write for moms so that they don’t have to feel so alone, can be validated in what they are experiencing, and improve their co-parenting conditions with a narcissist. Learn all that you can! Knowledge is power. You can be prepared with survivor wisdom!

Book 1: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: 7 Self-Rules to Stay Sane

Book 2: How To Fight a Narcissist In Family Court and Win

Book 3: Co-parenting with a Sociopath: Survival and Sanity Guide

Book 4: How To Survive a Custody Battle with a Narcissist: When the Family Courts Force You to Co-Parent

(Available at Amazon)

How To Survive a Custody Battle with a Narcissist – Book (on Amazon)

As a certified life coach to moms dealing with this dilemma, I am a support person and strategy partner. Sometimes GALs are an asset. We don’t know all the details in your case so we can’t give direct guidance or advice in my private group. However, we can recommend that you educate and research GALs. You can be aware of the traps, mindful of the narcissists’ performance, and know how they try to enlist flying monkeys and minions from GALs. For moms willing to learn skillful means, I teach a telescoping technique that is effective in immunizing smear campaigns started by narcissists using the GAL’s listening ear. I discovered that there are ways to outsmart the narcissists—especially if you know his go-to tactic and how this game with GALs typically goes. Knowledge is power and wisdom does win (even if it’s just personal peace).

10 Good Things I Did With The GAL

1. Cleaned and organized my apartment/house (remove clutter, clean out closets, trash, etc)
2. Made sure to have a bed and bedroom for our child firmly established (have her sleeping in her own bed)
3. Answered all interrogatories, emails, and calls from the GAL promptly
4. Dressed well for interviews and be prepared for appearances
5. Brought our child to all requested meetings clean and happy
6. Kept written track with notes and records of all my GAL interactions and what documents I provided her
7. Voiced my concerns in a factual non-emotional manner
8. Offered evidence with dates and times
9. Asked if there is anything else she needed from me
10. Demonstrated stability, sanity, reasonableness and strength

Other Things I Did Well With The GAL:

1. I talked about how I meet the needs of our child and all that I do for her (led with my strengths and accomplishments)
2. I didn’t openly nor directly bad-mouth my ex or bring in huge amounts of drama that made me sound unstable or focused on my ex
3. I got support before and after meetings with sponsor, mentors, coaches, and counselors to vent and get feedback
4. I made sure not to coach my child and have her saying things like “Mommy said to tell you this….”

The GAL did write some good things about me as a mom which was to probably balance her lopsided report. I had lived in the same place for eight years, our child was in school consistently, I took her to all the activities, therapy and she had regular medical care with all vaccines up to date. She commented that I was well-organized and my home was clean and my daughter had a beautiful room. I actually didn’t come across as crazy to her but my ex’s concerns, allegations, and strong feelings drove her to have the same worries and anxieties for the child. See how influential he was?! Next time, if there ever is a next time, I will have a strong advocate/friend/family member to witness the conversation with any new GAL. I was so compliant and so competent as a mom she had to request a doctor review medical records and get involved to find an angle to remove my rights. When that doctor called and heard the story, he was enlightened and made recommendations such as our child be allowed a phone and to text each parent (which my ex wouldn’t allow). This hunt for anything to use against me went on for years which is why second and third reports were written in my case because her previous reports became outdated.

My goal is to be a light in the darkness for those moms who have to co-parent with a narcissist and endure/suffer through a custody battle. If you are in need of resources/guides, I have plenty more blogs, PDFs, downloads, videos, webinars, and private groups to help you be more knowledgeable, prepared, and feel less alone with this struggle. Browse this list below to see if any of these topics would help you.

MORE HELPFUL RESOURCES FOR MOMS:

• Get The Right Lawyer Guide (Includes 20-Question Worksheet)
• How To Survive a Custody Battle with a Narcissist: When the Family Courts Force You to Co-Parent
• Co-Parenting Communication With A Narcissist – Creating Peace for Yourself and Your Child
• 20 Tips for Super Successful Co-Parenting Therapy With a Narcissist
• 3-Part Strategy For Dealing with Narcissists as Co-Parents (with video)
• How To Communicate With A Narcissist Using Skillful Means (with video)
• 5 Factors That Made The Narcissist STOP! (with video)
• Legal Strategies I Used in Family Court In A Custody Battle With A Narcissist (with video)
• What To Put In An Agreement Or Court Order When Dealing With A Narcissist

HELPFUL ONLINE COURSE:

Want instant help/education on how to make a bad co-parenting situation with a narcissist better? Watch my new 6-week VIDEO (11 videos) course to get started with positive change. Designed for moms. My Navigate the Narcissist VIDEO Course is available. Watch at your own pace.

BUY –> Navigate the Narcissist VIDEO Course

FREE Check-List- for Navigate the Narcissist VIDEO Course

Read Other Mom’s Experiences with a GAL

Post from an anonymous mom-member: “So I’m in a high-conflict custody battle with my ex. All the typical parts of dealing with a narcissist and coparenting. Uses her to hurt me as a weapon, goes against agreements, makes pick-ups an ordeal and she has meltdowns making it hard for me to get her, alienation, and he does everything he can to make my life hell, even withholding her from me. My lawyer wants to hire a Guardian Ed liem. I’m terrified he will persuade and convince the gal that I’m the problem as he is very very good at manipulating people with his charm. Does anyone have experience with a GAL in their custody case? Recommend or not?”

Mom-Member REPLY: “Yes, the most significant piece that affected everything was the GAL who did not care what I had to say: ultimately, regardless of her ties to the family, the GAL decides on a very basic formula: does the child have a relationship with both parents? Does the child want to see both parents? By face value, is the child safe? And last, are there any extenuating circumstances that should be considered in a modification of the current living situation?… This was enough for the GaL in my case: at that moment, both parents are involved, the child likes to see both parents, the child has a roof and bed in both homes and lastly… Mother is planning to move away, thereby disrupting this layout of information. I’m sorry this is probably not what you want to hear, but GALs making the decision can be a blessing for normal ex-relationships and a nightmare when you have a narc on the other side.”

Mom-Member REPLY: “I had a GAL in my custody battle per my ex’s request. I did not want one for many reasons. However, she has been amazing and given me a lot of tools. I still have primary custody and was even able to get my kid’s time with their dad reduced. What helped me the most is my documentation. The process was about proof, not he-said/she-said. I could back up nearly everything I was saying. I also stuck to the fact that the GAL’s position is to do what is in the best interest of the child, not your divorce. I had to focus and make sure my full attention was on how his behavior affected my children. Which sure, a lot of what my ex does to me does affect my kids. In the end, a GAL worked in my favor very much.”

Mom-Member REPLY: “If the child is a young age, I’d be wary of a GAL because they can definitely impose their personal viewpoint with a young child much more than with, say, a 14-year-old (absent crazy parental alienation assertions). I’ve had good GAL attorneys for my kids, but I’ve also heard horror stories.”

Mom-Member REPLY: “My son’s father wanted to appoint a GAL —which now if I could go back I wouldn’t have agreed. Especially with how young my son is. Personally, for my situation it was pointless. We split the cost 50/50. In my view, for really any young child who cannot speak for themselves, I feel that a GAL is pointless. If I could do this all over again with what I know now, I’d go straight into mediation which as we know usually doesn’t work with a narcissist unless you have leverage, but maybe it could have worked out better.”

Mom-Member REPLY: There definitely is hope! Your story doesn’t have to turn out like mine. If I had gotten coaching from narcissistic abuse experts and did my healing, I wouldn’t have shown up as a worried or anxious mom. I also wouldn’t have agreed to the GAL that HIS attorney picked (and it was a corrupt situation). I would have done a much better job and had a better outcome without bias. I also would have brought in lists of his poor behavior… documented (date, time, incident) and handed it to them so that they know the dirt. I didn’t want to speak bad of him because I thought it would make me look bad BUT of course he spoke horrible of me! I would have had a list of the false allegations he constantly makes to show his pattern of awful accusations to expose him. Having 10 -20 absurd things and bringing them up BEFORE he does would have been a great technique called telescoping. If I had better support I would have faced the dirt to dismiss his outrageous claims. Then, I would have highlighted all the great things about myself (which a narc always does to GALs) and talked about how much I care about my child (which they do and it wins a person over at a first impression). I didn’t because OF COURSE, I care!!! I thought it was obvious. But I needed to be more articulate like a WORDY narcissist is. There were so many things that I could have done better but I didn’t know. Reach out for help BEFORE heading into this situation. Get coaching, and therapy (sometimes seen as a sign of strength but not always so be careful with giving this info). With coaching, I didn’t have to divulge since those coaching records aren’t like therapy records to be subpoenaed and used against me. I survived a bad GAL report and it became 50/50… There were words and phrases that I needed to learn to speak like “I want what’s best for our child.” These are things the narc says and I was saying things wrong. I would say, “I want my child to be successful.” But I also told them all the things our child was struggling with and the narcissist told them how PERFECT our child was. That strategy worked on our GAL. Denying problems and sounding like the mature parent who sees the kids as happy already. I have other things that I learned to use later with other court professionals after I made all these mistakes.”

Mom-Member REPLY: “I had a great experience with the GAL my son’s father hired to try and obtain custody from me. She saw right through the BS. Just be honest. Don’t sit there and constantly belittle the other person or talk about him. Just talk about your child and why the child belongs in your home. Give credible references and be punctual with every request. The GAL my son’s father hired and also called CPS on me all wrote a 10-page report on how our son is in great care with me. And although it is still the judge’s decision, the GAL can definitely have some weight on that decision.”

Mom-Member Post: “We are in the middle of a relocation case. My nex was able to convince our child’s family counselor and the GAL the emotional abuse that he intentionally inflicts upon our child is somehow my fault!? The counselor gave the recommendation that in order to repair their damaged relationship our child should have more time with his abuser. The GAL gave the recommendation for our child to live primarily with my nex who is moving almost 3 hours away. The counselor admitted that I’m a very good parent and there isn’t anything he sees that I am doing wrong or need to improve upon as a parent. For years there has been turmoil between my nex and our twelve-year-old child. My nex made the councilor and The GAL believe that the turmoil only started when the relocation case started which is 100% not true. Our child wants to live with me. Is there any way I can change this?? Can the GAL be put on the stand and be questioned about her findings?” Well, it doesn’t matter now. Our child’s counselor told the GAL that he thinks our child should have more time with Nex so they can improve their relationship. The GAL agreed with the counselor of course. I’m heartbroken. They are making my child go live with his abuser. I asked my attorney if there were any rules or standards or guidelines the GALs have to follow. She said no, they all do their own thing. Such a broken system. And it’s only going to destroy our child more.”

Mom-Member Post: “I’m in Indiana. We just received the GAL report and it is completely awful. The GAL only spent 15 minutes at our house and we did a 30-minute phone call and she didn’t ask us very many questions. She did not use any of the “evidence” we gave her. Yet she used evidence that my ex gave her that most of was simply not true or it was twisted into something it wasn’t. My ex told so many lies and the GAL fell for it. My ex has relocated and I have temporary primary physical custody, because my ex didn’t want to wait to move. But court is in 10 days. Can I file an appeal or is there anything I can do? The GAL favored my ex 100%. They spent several hours together and we didn’t even get 1 hour. When the GAL visited my ex our child wasn’t even at her house. The GAL never asked us any follow-up questions. Before the relocation, we had 50/50 physical and legal. Now I’m only going to see our child every other weekend and some holidays. And half the summer. I’m devastated.” 

Mom-Member Reply: “Oh my! I had the same issues but in Canada. Ours is just a child’s lawyer and they don’t go into homes. But she 100% sided with all the obvious lies of the abuser and didn’t talk much to my son and me or take any evidence at all! I lost my son temporarily because I thought the judge would see. Honestly, what I regret is not getting that appeal in fast enough! If you need to, if you lose, get that appeal ready and still present your case! You never know.”

Mom-Member Post: “In my state, GAL almost never actually do good things for the kids. They often end up siding with abusers. GAL and the courts have this idea that all parents deserve equal time. Regardless of how it actually is for the kids. For me personally, I’ve never seen an abuse victim have good results with GAL. I’m so sorry.”

Mom-Member Post: “Unfortunately, the courts always try to make sure Dad is getting his time … they don’t seem to care about the concerns we express. It’s this whole he’s innocent until crap-goes-wrong approach. Document EVERYTHING so you have evidence to provide that the decisions weren’t in her best interest.”

Mom-Member Post: “In my limited experience, GALS are rarely helpful and in most cases harmful. They can be incredibly biased and unless you are forced to have a GAL I would stay far away. Sometimes, the only thing you can do is present actual hard facts and try to not be emotional about anything.”

Mom-Member Post: “I’m so frustrated! We had a GAL appointed and now he’s taking me back to court 3 weeks before trial requesting that the GAL is not allowed to make recommendations or testify. Like seriously?!?”

Mom-Member Post: “I post a lot about how the system fails my kiddo but today I’m asking for good vibes and prayers. My GAL has never been on my side and feeds dad’s need for control. We have been in the system since my kiddo was born (2 years, papers were drafted during pregnancy), I am on attorney #3, and I finally feel like I’m going somewhere. We are finally hoping to see the justice my kiddo deserves. Dad falsified/manipulated talking parents’ screenshots and files emergency motions for full custody (we currently have 80/20). Medical decisions are a hot topic for us with history of medical abuse and neglect. Dad knew about kiddo’s Drs appointments months in advance. The doctor was uncomfortable giving kiddo their vaccines without duel consent but dad was nowhere to be found and they couldn’t even get him on the phone to verbally consent AND THEY DOCUMENTED IT. This was finally the last straw to side our GAL and set forth a motion for AT LEAST temporary full decision making. It’s only a small step but it feels huge. We have a hearing in July. I am just praying the judge sees it the same way we do.”

Mom-Member Post: “My 9-month-old is having his first overnight with dad tomorrow. I am just so heartbroken, nervous, anxious, mad, etc. I just can’t believe a court system/judge/GAL would think it’s okay to take a baby away from its mother. It’s always been me for the last 9 months putting him to bed. Nex has barely followed the court order and already “forgot” he was supposed to have him overnight last week. Has anyone gone through this with a child so young? I just dread tomorrow.” 

Mom-Member Post: “Meeting the GAL/Lawyer-for-Child soon, before she meets my kids. My eldest now lives with me full time (no court order yet), and narc is taking me to court over it, alleging parental alienation (we’ve been 50/50 for 3 years before this). My lawyer has recommended that I do not discuss him with her, I simply say his relationship between my eldest and him is between the two of them, given that he’s alleging PA (when he’s the one doing just that). So, I need to tread carefully. Our eldest hasn’t physically seen him for 4 months and has no wish to. This is so stressful.”

Mom-Member Post: “Our GAL is completely waffling AGAIN. I’m so tired of her. I asked for all of our conversations to be recorded, but I was told no by a judge. But this is my reason… She specifically told me she wants my nex to have to schedule child therapy during his time so it doesn’t only fall on me. He disagreed. So I reached out and said can you please re-clarify your ask. She just sent a long email basically saying nothing. She recommends weekly…but she also can recommend bi-weekly and only on my time, but maybe we can do every 3 weeks so we both have only one day, but weekly is better, but we just need to work it out and she isn’t getting involved. I was like what….just give a recommendation??? Yes or no. She is doing this same crap with parenting time and decision-making. It’s why we’ve been in court for the better part of 6 years. Why are these people considered child reps when they don’t even know what they’re doing? They’re so useless. Things got very bad with him this week and he’s continuing to directly break our order. Our GAL said at this point she’s likely going to just recuse herself and get us help from someone with a psychiatric background. I need a formal diagnosis of bipolar disorder (the nex got one as a kid, but now his parents are lying/covering for him). It’s more money but someone with fresh eyes needs to see this. My lawyer and I are meeting with her next week, and my lawyer agreed I’ll never speak with her alone again.”

Mom-Member Post: “Okay I just need a positive place to rant positively for once. This group has been such a support for me. I finally stopped arguing and playing other parent’s game. Ha! I let them think they won and got the answers they wanted, when in reality it’s the other way around. I am so ecstatic. I finally have a last court date. After 3 years of court, a shitty GAL, 4 attorneys, CPS, and years of therapy we finally get to be done. The standard will be every other weekend—what it is being drafted with timed decisions otherwise default back to me. We are designating myself legal guardian and residential guardian. I know not to count my chickens before they hatch but I can’t help but feel this weight off my shoulders. My life is moving forward. I’m remarried, purchased a house, and am now in the process of becoming a foster parent. I’m so grateful for this win, I desperately needed a break because I thought this all would literally end me. But here I am. Almost to the other side.”

Need support and a space to share? Join my private Facebook groups:

1. Co-Parenting with a Narcissist Support Group for Moms
2. Moms Forced to Co-Parent with a Narcissist
3. Moms in Custody Battles with Narcissists

Grace W. Wroldson – Author & Coach