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Are you required to co-parent with a narcissist?
In a custody battle with a narcissistic ex?
Want to stop some of your suffering?
I wish that I could tell moms in this awful situation that everything is going to be okay. Most times, I struggle to find words of encouragement for them as they face a narcissist and the typical abuse their children often suffer. What I can say for sure is that moms who use tools (like non-attachment) tend to suffer less, and children often do learn to cope and survive the narcissistic abuse. What matters is that we moms psychologically hold on because it can help our kids hold on, too.

Detachment can help us mom-survivors get out of what I call “energetic-entanglements” with the narcissist. Learning to let go can help us (and our children) be able to live life. Often, holding on sometimes keeps us stuck and in a state of suffering. Practicing non-attachment (with certain things), can free up our energy for the things that truly matter, like our mental health and our children’s mental health.

Would you like to change your co-parenting struggles and stop custody battles? How about trying some non-resistance principles instead of fighting? While the “Skillful-Means Strategy” may take some time to take effect, this tool (of non-resistance) can have instant results.

If you don’t want to run away and leave your kids with the narcissist, to most likely be narcissistically abused and survive a life with a selfish parent who lacks empathy...
If you don’t want to fight, fight, fight in family court over custody and parenting plans—until the lawyers are richer and you are financially devastated…
If you are ready to step out of all-or-nothing and black-and-white thinking and into long-term strategies of learning how to let go of small stuff and co-exist with the narcissist…
If you are looking for a third “middle way" of dealing with a narcissistic ex and exiting a custody battle… 

This is where the use of skillful means and non-resistance comes in handy! 

Are you trying to co-parent with a narcissist?

Is it always unfair to you and the children?

You are not alone!

Please watch my free 15-minute YouTube video with helpful ways to cope and deal.

The bottom line is: it’s just too risky and too potentially compromising of a social media account for me to use safely (with my real identity) because my ex is a narcissist. Can you relate? Even though I successfully negotiated with a narcissist and got everything I wanted in our new agreement (now court-ordered) by using skillful means, my memory of our 12-year U.S. family court battle (legal abuse), is still fresh in my mind. For me, in my situation, social media still holds too much risk for me to use safely with my real name and information. Why? Any of my data leaked into the narcissist and his lawyer’s hands could spell trouble! If you haven’t figured it out by now, narcissists are highly triggered and never happy with their lot in life. I teach moms how to “fly-under-the-narcissists-radar” and not become a blip (target) on their screen. In my experience, a personality disordered person is personality-disordered, and not worth upsetting in any way, shape or form.

Do you have any tools in your “toolbelt” for dealing with a narcissist? A simple tool, like making a conscious list can give you power. While a narcissist looks for the easy out, “wings it,” and/or lies on the fly, we can set ourselves up to stand firm in truth with our lists, documentation, and evidence. When the narcissist tries to side-track us, we go back to item #1, 2, or 3 and re-read what we need to focus on. Something ready, prepared and printed can help us, our lawyers, and our kids get what they need.
KEY: Our lists need to be well-thought-out and carefully prepared with our support team of experts guiding us. This isn’t something we scribble on a Post-it note and lose track of. Instead, this is something we carve out a minimum of 1 hour to create with a coach, mentor, lawyer, narcissist expert, or guide. This is something we revisit and revise a minimum of 2 hours MORE. This is something we practice speaking, saying, articulating, verbalizing, negotiating, and role-playing to sound neutral or demanding (depending on the strategy your lawyer takes/recommends). Our list becomes our script for child safety, well-being, care, health, and needs.
Survivor-Wisdom says, to pre-plan this writing activity and pace ourselves rather than to procrastinate and try to push ourselves to do this last minute.

Are You Still Somewhat Attached to the Narcissist? If you’re a woman who used to love a narcissistic man, you may still be toxically attached via trauma bonds. You may have an unhealthy attachment to your co-parent, which makes you focus on him more than you do yourself and your kids. You might be comparing your life to his, or watching his life and feeling jealous. Be careful not to get caught up in these behaviors, or you risk an unhealthy obsession that can only bring you down and be a source of more pain. We have to grieve our losses fully and accept necessary endings.
Wisdom says: We need to detach from the narcissist to focus on our child/children.
As you know, not all relationships survive years of pain and betrayals. The fact is: Not all relationships are worth saving. Some relationships actually need to end and dissolve, because it's unhealthy for both people to continue. Know that: It’s humanly impossible to get a normal, healthy, stable relationship from a personality-disordered person such as a narcissist. NOTE: Our reaction to their abnormal behavior is not the biggest issue, their concerning behavior is the main issue. Is it time to get “real” with yourself about your past relationship? Did you “codependently collapsed” your life into the narcissist’s life and his problems? Did you lose your life when you entered his? Are you ready to step into self-saving solutions? You hold the key!

Sometimes, when dealing with a narcissistic ex, we mistakenly/unknowingly trigger the beast. Then, their fragile ego roars! We either have to endure narcissistic abuse, post-separation abuse, or legal abuse, or worse—we see our kids take the brunt of the narcissistic rage and his games. These manipulative mammals want to win. The narcissist has many tricks, tactics, and traps that they can set for victims. But, we survivors can use tools, skills, and strategies to stay in the ring for our children. We don’t have to leave the circus completely or leave our precious children behind in the unfairness of it all. We can use wisdom.
If you have children caught in the crossfire of a family court battle, would you stick them in the cage with an angry lion? No. Be smart and calculating. Take some time to self-reflect on your part in the equation of dealing with their narcissistic dad. Use Grace’s survivor wisdom to better the conditions for yourself. Be encouraged to seek support, use skills, heal, and overcome the narcissist.

Let me ask you,
Do you know what to document - when dealing with a narcissist?
Do you know how to document - when dealing with a narcissist?
Forced to Co-Parent with a Narcissist?

Welcome to my work! I teach moms to document strategically so they can keep their sanity. My motivated mom-clients get a documentation strategy in place so they don’t feel like they have to document absolutely everything. If documenting everything feels heavy, you are not alone. It’s more work we have to do—thanks to the narcissist. However, we can simplify so we don’t get too overwhelmed by having too much to do related to the narcissist. We can target the things that matter to the judge. When documenting a narcissist, we run the risk of focusing too much on the narcissist. So, there needs to be some systems and strategy in place. 

KEY: Document the narcissist—strategically.

What I have seen in my private life coaching practice is: moms without guidance fall to fear. Also, the moms who underestimate the narcissist often get ambushed. Even though the narcissist shows little-to-no interest year after year in the child/children doesn’t mean he wouldn’t file for sole custody all of a sudden, or at the exact moment when you go into the hospital for surgery and he finds out. (This happened to me.) 

KEY: Don’t underestimate the narcissist. Be prepared for anything with good documentation.

The Narcissist Hurts Us, Now We Have to Heal Ourselves 

Key to Healing: Make healing your mission.

If you are reading this, there is hope for you. You have taken the first step in your healing journey. (Understanding something complex and grabbing onto solutions.) You are taking full responsibility for your healing process. I do believe that this type of healing is a process—and that it requires your patience, dedication, and self-discipline. This may also take interventions to reach certain levels of your being, and a strategic approach. When I attempted to heal from narcissistic abuse at just the mind (cognitive) level, it wasn’t enough. My healing had to penetrate the depths of me and the abuse. I couldn’t put a bandaid on a gaping cut that needed stitches, gauze, real first aid, and a doctor. How far has narcissistic abuse penetrated your life? As I always say, “Self-work is the most important work we will ever do!” Healing is part choice. So, make the choice to heal from the devastating effects of narcissistic abuse. You invest in your future when you decide to heal and take steps. Your future needs your best self in it, not the narcissist. The truth is, your “best self” is completely narcissist-free.

Key to Healing: The narcissist hurts us, but we must take full responsibility for our healing.