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Welcome to my work to share my survivor-wisdom with mothers. If you’re a mom who’s required to co-parent with a narcissist or if you’re in a custody battle with a narcissistic ex, please know this: you are not alone. Many other moms have been in this situation. I’m one of them. I’m a survivor. My child and I survived her narcissistic dad, and you can too. Sometimes, winning isn’t the way to go. 
I’m a survivor, author, coach, and strategist. I’ve written several books, including my newest one, Wisdom for Ending the Co-Parenting War and the Custody Battle with a Narcissist.
I support, encourage, empower, and educate the loving, caring, protective moms who want to spare or save their children from narcissistic abuse. Quite often, our complex cases end up in the family court system as we desperately try to protect our kids or simply try to secure our basic right to see them. I went through a 12-year family court battle and faced many failures and had to stage many comebacks. It can be financially devastating, emotionally exhausting, and absolutely heartbreaking. So, I get it.

Why I Teach a “3rd Way”? Because most moms see only 2 options:
1. Push hard in family court. Hire lawyers. (Spending thousands on legal fees.) And endure the stress and trauma of a broken system
Or

2. Run away or give up

Some moms feel so beaten down by post-separation abuse that they fantasize about disappearing just to escape the narcissist! After neither of those options felt like the right choice for me, I prayed for and found another “3rd Middle Way.” This different way was not going to lead me into an endless war, nor make me abandon my child —instead, I had to learn skills, accept reality, and find a way to coexist with the narcissist by strategically navigating within the system we had and his personality disorder. I had to mentally step out of the traditional lawyer-driven win/lose mindset that kept me trapped and resulted in a 12-year legal battle where we lost some and won some.

Gaining an Understanding of Narcissists
Narcissists lack respect. To avoid going crazy from the narcissist’s refined crazy-making tactics, we need to be clear about who/what they are. First, we have to acknowledge the truth of the person we are dealing with. For example, we can’t get respect from someone who doesn’t have respect to give. Generally, they don’t respect rules and laws as a neurotypical person would. A person, not with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), has a thinking capacity that reasons out long-term consequences and has consideration for others. Narcissists are lacking, as you may well know. You may notice (and become angered and annoyed by this) that they aren’t following court orders or parenting agreements. A piece of paper isn’t going to fix something they lack (in their brain/thinking capacity).

Are you required to co-parent with a narcissist?
In a custody battle with a narcissistic ex?
Want to stop some of your suffering?
I wish that I could tell moms in this awful situation that everything is going to be okay. Most times, I struggle to find words of encouragement for them as they face a narcissist and the typical abuse their children often suffer. What I can say for sure is that moms who use tools (like non-attachment) tend to suffer less, and children often do learn to cope and survive the narcissistic abuse. What matters is that we moms psychologically hold on because it can help our kids hold on, too.

Detachment can help us mom-survivors get out of what I call “energetic-entanglements” with the narcissist. Learning to let go can help us (and our children) be able to live life. Often, holding on sometimes keeps us stuck and in a state of suffering. Practicing non-attachment (with certain things), can free up our energy for the things that truly matter, like our mental health and our children’s mental health.

Would you like to change your co-parenting struggles and stop custody battles? How about trying some non-resistance principles instead of fighting? While the “Skillful-Means Strategy” may take some time to take effect, this tool (of non-resistance) can have instant results.

If you don’t want to run away and leave your kids with the narcissist, to most likely be narcissistically abused and survive a life with a selfish parent who lacks empathy...
If you don’t want to fight, fight, fight in family court over custody and parenting plans—until the lawyers are richer and you are financially devastated…
If you are ready to step out of all-or-nothing and black-and-white thinking and into long-term strategies of learning how to let go of small stuff and co-exist with the narcissist…
If you are looking for a third “middle way" of dealing with a narcissistic ex and exiting a custody battle… 

This is where the use of skillful means and non-resistance comes in handy! 

Are you trying to co-parent with a narcissist?

Is it always unfair to you and the children?

You are not alone!

Please watch my free 15-minute YouTube video with helpful ways to cope and deal.

The bottom line is: it’s just too risky and too potentially compromising of a social media account for me to use safely (with my real identity) because my ex is a narcissist. Can you relate? Even though I successfully negotiated with a narcissist and got everything I wanted in our new agreement (now court-ordered) by using skillful means, my memory of our 12-year U.S. family court battle (legal abuse), is still fresh in my mind. For me, in my situation, social media still holds too much risk for me to use safely with my real name and information. Why? Any of my data leaked into the narcissist and his lawyer’s hands could spell trouble! If you haven’t figured it out by now, narcissists are highly triggered and never happy with their lot in life. I teach moms how to “fly-under-the-narcissists-radar” and not become a blip (target) on their screen. In my experience, a personality disordered person is personality-disordered, and not worth upsetting in any way, shape or form.

Do you have any tools in your “toolbelt” for dealing with a narcissist? A simple tool, like making a conscious list can give you power. While a narcissist looks for the easy out, “wings it,” and/or lies on the fly, we can set ourselves up to stand firm in truth with our lists, documentation, and evidence. When the narcissist tries to side-track us, we go back to item #1, 2, or 3 and re-read what we need to focus on. Something ready, prepared and printed can help us, our lawyers, and our kids get what they need.
KEY: Our lists need to be well-thought-out and carefully prepared with our support team of experts guiding us. This isn’t something we scribble on a Post-it note and lose track of. Instead, this is something we carve out a minimum of 1 hour to create with a coach, mentor, lawyer, narcissist expert, or guide. This is something we revisit and revise a minimum of 2 hours MORE. This is something we practice speaking, saying, articulating, verbalizing, negotiating, and role-playing to sound neutral or demanding (depending on the strategy your lawyer takes/recommends). Our list becomes our script for child safety, well-being, care, health, and needs.
Survivor-Wisdom says, to pre-plan this writing activity and pace ourselves rather than to procrastinate and try to push ourselves to do this last minute.