25 Key Phrases That Can Neutralize The Narcissist
When Co-Parenting or in a High-Conflict Custody Battle
“If you are a mom ready to learn, I am ready to teach.”
By Author, Grace W. Wroldson
Book 2: How To Fight a Narcissist In Family Court and Win
Book 3: Co-parenting with a Sociopath: Survival and Sanity Guide
Book 4: How To Survive a Custody Battle with a Narcissist: When the Family Courts Force You to Co-Parent
Are you Forced to Co-Parent with a Narcissist?
Let’s face it. IF the family courts are forcing us to co-parent with a crazy/angry narcissist, then we will need to learn to navigate the narcissist rather than try to fight them. If you are open-minded to learning new ways to neutralize the narcissist, I can teach you. This will take skill, time, practice, and, most importantly, patience…
Still reading this? Congratulations on taking the first step toward bettering your situation. Good for you! While I can’t give out legal advice, I can share what I did in my case to turn the hostile, hate-filled narcissist into a friendly, easy-to-co-parent-with ex. A true miracle in itself! NOTE: I still kept my lawyer handy. And yes, I had to parallel-parent with him at first before getting any semblance of cooperation.
NOTE: What worked for me may not work for you. Take what you like and leave the rest for maybe another time and place. I don’t have clever, in-your-face, witty, canned/general, or polished, quick responses for you to use that are guaranteed to put the narcissist in his rightful place. (This usually escalates the conflict with a narcissist.) Rather, I offer a different perspective for you to consider in this difficult, dilemma parenting predicament. It takes adopting a new mindset to have a new way of doing things. I also don’t have a list of 10 things you can say to make it all better or make him go away. If you haven’t read my story, I was humbled by the family courts in a lengthy trial and had to stage a comeback. Further, I don’t have quick words that win any argument with a narcissist. Why argue with a crazy man and lose precious energy that could be spent on our children? What I have to offer you here is valuable survivor wisdom and skillful means that worked in my personal situation. Again, while my strategies may not all be applicable to your own situation, my hope is that I can offer you guidance to make things even a little bit better for you and your child. What I have learned in my years of coaching, supporting, and strategizing with stressed-out, struggling moms is that my phrases cannot be successfully repeated and regurgitated by someone who has not fully adopted a mindset with the right attitude to support the phrases. You can be smart, and you can be one step better than that… you can grow wise.
We Have to Lead and Set the Example
It’s up to us to lead and steer a conversation towards healthy neutrality. I teach skillful means where we don’t challenge the narcissist in arguments personally or go toe-to-toe with them in a battle or boxing match. Instead, we tactfully side-step them and state neutral facts that keep everyone’s mind focused on what matters most. It’s smart for us to safeguard our custody case by speaking, texting, emailing, and messaging in a politically correct manner because if our messages are ever read by a judge or a professional, our words can be viewed negatively—depending. This means we need to take special care in writing like an adult so the judge can effectively determine who the high-conflict parent is. Getting down and dirty or caught up in the drama with the narcissist is like the saying, “When you wrestle with pigs, you both get muddy, and the pig likes it!” TIP: Don’t even step into the ring. Navigate around that barnyard! Beware of this bully-blamer!
We Need to Somewhat “Know” the Narcissist
Sure – a narcissist will have tricks, tactics, and traps set with all sorts of manipulations and games. But we, on the other hand, must be the mature ones (because they can’t be). With a personality disorder such as narcissism, we can expect disorder—even in communication and conversation. On the other hand, we need strategies and skills to maintain our sanity. We also need to know our opponent and understand what motivates, drives, and triggers him.
Using skillful means is about speaking to the person who is listening at their level so they can comprehend what you are saying, and so you don’t get automatically rejected based on their beliefs. Using skillful means is about explaining factually that the orders/directions are not coming from you but rather from the powers-that-be (the courts) who are in charge and are making rules that you both have to follow. Skillful means help you coexist in peace. Do you want some peace in your life?
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Disclaimer: These are helpful tips based solely on the author’s thoughts and opinions. The author is not a qualified mental health professional nor a crisis caseworker. She cannot give legal advice or appropriate counsel and is therefore not liable for any injury or harm. Please follow your doctor’s, therapist’s, counselor’s, and lawyer’s advice, as well as your own good common sense and intuition based on your unique case—to see if these tips could be helpful.
Hi, I am Grace. The author of several books for moms forced to co-parent with a narcissist or in a custody battle. I help motivated mothers who are forced to co-parent with a narcissist maintain their sanity, SAVE their custody cases, and enjoy their children’s one-and-only childhood.
As moms…. to be smart… We have to stop. We have to assess the situation. If we are in a custody battle, we need to maintain our sanity. (OFTEN, in the midst of insanity.) This means we can’t go around trying to control everything, or our lives become crazy. We learn the need to let go, accept reality, and make the best of a bad situation (attempting to co-parent with a narcissist).
From our wisdom and strength, from our light and truth, we make our lives as good and healthy as they can be because we know/believe that one healthy parent makes a difference in our child’s life and gives them a chance to succeed, overcome, and become stronger because of this experience. Learn all you can from my survivor-wisdom, in my books on Amazon.
Learn, heal, and grow!